Being There

This is a conversation I had with one of my close friends. Because I know she doesn't want her business plasted everywhere....she has no name, everyone she mentions has no name. But why I am posting is because this is the perfect example of the struggles that teenagers go through day in and day out, and how just being there can make such a difference.

I hope you grab something from this.

(blank)

lexi..

10:29amAlexandria

heyy

10:29am ________

i'd just like you to know that you truly inspired me && basically saved my life last night

10:29amAlexandria

REALLY!?!?

10:29am___________

i was seriously thinking of suicide...then i re-read your text message && stopped myself

10:29amAlexandria

_______ WHAT THE HELL?!

10:30am__________

i know

i thought about it this morning to

10:30am________

what's going on??

10:30am_______________

it was so bad...i even called __________ && apologized for everything...

10:30amAlexandria

oh my gosh......

10:31am___________

yes...i officially hit rock bottom

10:31amAlexandria

well...how are you feelin now?

10:31am__________

about a half a step above where i was 30min ago when i called ________ balling my eyes out...

10:32amAlexandria

thats at least better than rock bottom....

10:32am___________

yeaaa...not much..but its better

10:32amAlexandria

I don't understand how you can hit rock bottom....I mean, not you

10:33am________

anybody can lexi...i'm only human

10:33amAlexandria

oh I know....

10:34am___________

&& the sad part about it is...its over a dude

10:34amAlexandria

someone just told me that considering what I got through that I hold it together pretty well, and that inspired me

ohhhhhh nita booo, we always are going to make that mistake

My favorite author once said that "we define our own happiness, and men enhance it."

10:36am___________

thats def a good one!

10:36amAlexandria

yes it is

that's when I decided that I was going to give up chasing after boys trying to make me happy

and concentrate on ME and MINE

no guy is going to be the defining force in my happiness

10:38am_______________

preach lexxxiiii!!! lol

its the truth tho. && everything you're sayin is stuff i needed to hear

10:38amAlexandria

lol you go on girl

10:39amAlexandria

I'm glad I'm helping you girl cause god knows you've helped me, just being you and encouraging me

10:39am_____________

awwwww

10:40amAlexandria

lol it's the truth!

10:40am_____________

its amazing how you help ppl && you dont even know that you're capable of doing it...

10:40amAlexandria

Yeah, it surely is amazing

10:41amAlexandria

I know that we all love boys and we want them but we gotta want ourselves

10:41am_______________

girl i'm about to hop of here && wash b/c i havent done that...or slept...or anything..in a WHILE lol...its a damn shame. i'll prolly text you during the day to maintain my sanity

10:42amAlexandria

I tell ya, when that ball dropped yesterday, I cried and washed away all the pain from the year b4

oh okay girl!!!

10:42am_________

bye lovveee

10:42amAlexandria

pamper yourself and listen to music

byeeeee

♥

10:43am__________ is offline.

Becoming Grown

Hey guys. I know you haven't seen me in a while but I've been busy lately with school, getting these grades in and what have you.

SO IT'S 2009!!!!!


When the clock struck 12, I did something I never did before in the tradition. I cried. I thought I was crying for being alone on that night, or because the challenge my best friend and I will have to go through in this next year, or because I wasn't out with SOMEONE partying like the rest of the friends that matter that I know, or even because I was miserable. But then when I was done crying I realized the REAL reason I was crying. I was washing away all the pain and all the trauma I went through this last year. Believe me, I went through about as much a weaker 17-year old girl would go insane under. I am actually very fortunate for my friends that give me much of strength, and ironically I'm thanking my mother for berating me to the point that I really don't give a shit about what anyone little cunt and/or prick says to me at Athens.....nothing can beat how my mother can shoot off. This year I will be 18. Now, 18 doesn't mean that you are grown. It just means that you have the legal right to leave your parents house. Being grown is when you finally accept responsibility for things. To be honest, I am not there yet. But, fear not, I am heading in that direction. For some odd reason, I feel that I have renewed strength, like something went away and now I feel lighter. Eh, I'll figure it out later.

But for now, I'll enjoy the last 5 months of my teenage life, and welcome May 26th, 2009, when I cross the threshold. I'm certain that one part of me will change for the better by then! :)

I'll just have to keep on praying.