Hey Good Morning!
I have a party to go to today. My mom's co-worker is have a PIG ROASTING party today in Selma for her (get this) ANNIVERSARY! I'm probably a city girl, so I'm completely confused and slightly disgusted for this. Apparently, this is another Southern tradition that I am not ever doing. In my Conversations in Diversity class at school, I mentioned it and some of my classmates love that! One friend, Britney, even had it done for her 18th birthday. Sometimes it boggles my mind that I will one day be the first African-American female to be Senator of North Carolina. I should go up to New York and sit in Hilliary's seat. Eh, no thank you. Not b/c of her, she was my first pick for the election before Obama showed his stuff.
Anyway, speaking of slightly.
I subscribed to a Google news, blog, and group alert for Anita Baker. So the last post on here is about breaking up with my friends. GUESS WHAT THE HELL I SEE??!!?
Miss Lexiness posts this blog "So hard to do" and the name Anita Baker is highlighted. I was happy and embarrassed at the same time. People are going to see my incredibly depressing blog post, but at least they will see my blog at all. I don't know whether if I should be happy or pissed. So, I'm just not going to be anything right now. I'm going to cook some eggs and get ready for this party.
:) talk to you all later.
oh yeah, I managed to get a twitter site now, b/c my mom got one before me and that's blasphemy.
http://twitter.com/TheLexiness
Come on and follow me, b/c I'm a dork and no one is following the Lexiness.....THAT'S NOT COOL!
lol.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
So Hard To Do
Whoever said that breaking up is hard to do......was definitely right.
The last blog I have on here is directed to some friends of mine. It's a lot of drama circulating around the Anita Baker site that I created. I went off. My anger got out of control. My initial thing was to just rant and rave on here so I could feel better, then let it simmer. My friends ended up seeing the post. They didn't like it. I, in turn, was banned from the site. The reality of all this made me feel so bad. I proposed to them all that they not re-enter me back into the site, and that they forget about me as well. I told them that I don't know how I could ever talk to them again. Nothing would ever be the same and it's all my fault. Lauren and Tracie hadn't replied yet, the only one that did was my mom, Leigh. She started to talk to me and we didn't talk about what happened. We finally talked about it today, and I requested that she forget about me, possibly forever. She agreed and I said goodbye. I feel like a piece of my soul has been ripped out of my body. She was my life-line and I took her and my friends for granted. I always forget about the sake of others and I am so selfish to the ones that I love. I really truly do love them. If I didn't, I wouldn't be crying hysterically like I am right now. I just don't know why I have to do this. I loved them so much, the last thing I wanted to do was to hurt them. I can't imagine how they feel right now. I have no idea. I am such a fool. They cared about me so much, and I just threw them away like it was nothing. I know that no one wants to be around me right now. There aren't words to explain how I am. All I know is that I am pathetic. I can't even keep friends. Friends that love me no matter what I did. My heart is breaking into two and my soul is withering away as I type this. I always said that I was numb and bitter for many different reasons. But I know that soon I will actually be numb and bitter. I always let my issues take control of my life. I just want to be normal. That's my ultimate wish, to be normal. To have friends and for them to like me without trying, and for me to keep them. I feel like someone stabbed me in the gut and I realize that I'm the one that did the stabbing. It's my own fault and there is nothing I can do to fix it. Hopefully, their online experience can be so much better now that I am gone. I know that other than me, they didn't have any drama to deal with. It was only me. It's all my doing. If only I could go back in time and stop myself from doing it in the first place./Then, I wouldn't be feeling like I am slowly dying inside.
I can't stop crying the tears of a pathetic teenage girl on a path of self destruction.
I just can't stop crying.
The last blog I have on here is directed to some friends of mine. It's a lot of drama circulating around the Anita Baker site that I created. I went off. My anger got out of control. My initial thing was to just rant and rave on here so I could feel better, then let it simmer. My friends ended up seeing the post. They didn't like it. I, in turn, was banned from the site. The reality of all this made me feel so bad. I proposed to them all that they not re-enter me back into the site, and that they forget about me as well. I told them that I don't know how I could ever talk to them again. Nothing would ever be the same and it's all my fault. Lauren and Tracie hadn't replied yet, the only one that did was my mom, Leigh. She started to talk to me and we didn't talk about what happened. We finally talked about it today, and I requested that she forget about me, possibly forever. She agreed and I said goodbye. I feel like a piece of my soul has been ripped out of my body. She was my life-line and I took her and my friends for granted. I always forget about the sake of others and I am so selfish to the ones that I love. I really truly do love them. If I didn't, I wouldn't be crying hysterically like I am right now. I just don't know why I have to do this. I loved them so much, the last thing I wanted to do was to hurt them. I can't imagine how they feel right now. I have no idea. I am such a fool. They cared about me so much, and I just threw them away like it was nothing. I know that no one wants to be around me right now. There aren't words to explain how I am. All I know is that I am pathetic. I can't even keep friends. Friends that love me no matter what I did. My heart is breaking into two and my soul is withering away as I type this. I always said that I was numb and bitter for many different reasons. But I know that soon I will actually be numb and bitter. I always let my issues take control of my life. I just want to be normal. That's my ultimate wish, to be normal. To have friends and for them to like me without trying, and for me to keep them. I feel like someone stabbed me in the gut and I realize that I'm the one that did the stabbing. It's my own fault and there is nothing I can do to fix it. Hopefully, their online experience can be so much better now that I am gone. I know that other than me, they didn't have any drama to deal with. It was only me. It's all my doing. If only I could go back in time and stop myself from doing it in the first place./Then, I wouldn't be feeling like I am slowly dying inside.
I can't stop crying the tears of a pathetic teenage girl on a path of self destruction.
I just can't stop crying.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
My Baby Has Been Changed
As you may or may not know, I created the Anita Baker Lovers Unite! fan site on April 21st, 2008. I am very proud of the site. Especially since I created it, it has a special meaning for me. I consider it to be my child.
In school, I am graduating this year and I am not doing so well for my last few classes of High School. My mother wants to blame my obession for Anita Baker on my failing of classes. Not True. Anita would be very mad at me if I failed classed b/c I was stuck on the site. She doesn't roll like that. Proving my mother's theory wrong, but it doesn't stop her from complaining every waking second of my young tragic life. So earlier this month, I made the decision to give the site up and regain my admin status when I am done with graduation. So I decided to give it to Leigh. She assured me that my baby was in safe hands, and duh, she's my mom (in the spirit) so why wouldn't I believe her? She should of warned me that they were going to make drastic changes to the site the day after I gave it up.
I feel so raped.
I feel like a dictator just died or got exiled and they changed everything to get rid of any trace of him being there. Lauren could have easily made those changes that she wanted while I was STILL THERE! It makes it so much worse that I left and THEN she made the changes. Like when your parents leave and you are so fucking happy and you get to do anything you want until they come back.
Do you understand how wrong this is?
And! They act like I'm taking this too seriously or something. Like they can't even realize what I feel like. I wish it happened to them, then they would see, and would stop acting so non-chanlantly about it. That shit pisses me off.
One more thing.
What is today? Well, let me tell you........today is April 22nd, 2009. That means that the site's anniversary was yesterday. Did the admin celebrate it? OF COURSE NOT! This is probably the straw the broke the camel's back for me. You are not going to celebrate it, not even SAY SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!?!?!?! You have time to talk about EVERYTHING ELSE but when the anniversary comes around, something, by the way that I was doing when I quit that no one paid attention to, you don't do shit. I sent them a email asking why did they forget and I was trying to be as nice as possible. I know Leigh ain't gonna like it, but do I give a flying fuck?
NO
For my sanity on my last year of high school, I have forced myself to withdraw myself almost completely from them. I can't delete myself off the site then it'll be a lot of unwanted drama on my reasons for leaving. See, they want me to stay. It's like this:
[[Oh, Lexi, it's great that you created the site and all, but since you have to be a drama queen and quit the site, we are going to take this oppertunity and change everything so everyone else can like it, b/c no one likes you or the way you did the site. You know that, so why are you so upset? Shut up and go get some help you crazy bitch. We love you!]]
That's all I'm hearing from them. Maybe not that harshly, but along the same lines.
You understand.
I'm done now :)
Thanks for listening and I love you so much it's retarded.
In school, I am graduating this year and I am not doing so well for my last few classes of High School. My mother wants to blame my obession for Anita Baker on my failing of classes. Not True. Anita would be very mad at me if I failed classed b/c I was stuck on the site. She doesn't roll like that. Proving my mother's theory wrong, but it doesn't stop her from complaining every waking second of my young tragic life. So earlier this month, I made the decision to give the site up and regain my admin status when I am done with graduation. So I decided to give it to Leigh. She assured me that my baby was in safe hands, and duh, she's my mom (in the spirit) so why wouldn't I believe her? She should of warned me that they were going to make drastic changes to the site the day after I gave it up.
I feel so raped.
I feel like a dictator just died or got exiled and they changed everything to get rid of any trace of him being there. Lauren could have easily made those changes that she wanted while I was STILL THERE! It makes it so much worse that I left and THEN she made the changes. Like when your parents leave and you are so fucking happy and you get to do anything you want until they come back.
Do you understand how wrong this is?
And! They act like I'm taking this too seriously or something. Like they can't even realize what I feel like. I wish it happened to them, then they would see, and would stop acting so non-chanlantly about it. That shit pisses me off.
One more thing.
What is today? Well, let me tell you........today is April 22nd, 2009. That means that the site's anniversary was yesterday. Did the admin celebrate it? OF COURSE NOT! This is probably the straw the broke the camel's back for me. You are not going to celebrate it, not even SAY SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!?!?!?! You have time to talk about EVERYTHING ELSE but when the anniversary comes around, something, by the way that I was doing when I quit that no one paid attention to, you don't do shit. I sent them a email asking why did they forget and I was trying to be as nice as possible. I know Leigh ain't gonna like it, but do I give a flying fuck?
NO
For my sanity on my last year of high school, I have forced myself to withdraw myself almost completely from them. I can't delete myself off the site then it'll be a lot of unwanted drama on my reasons for leaving. See, they want me to stay. It's like this:
[[Oh, Lexi, it's great that you created the site and all, but since you have to be a drama queen and quit the site, we are going to take this oppertunity and change everything so everyone else can like it, b/c no one likes you or the way you did the site. You know that, so why are you so upset? Shut up and go get some help you crazy bitch. We love you!]]
That's all I'm hearing from them. Maybe not that harshly, but along the same lines.
You understand.
I'm done now :)
Thanks for listening and I love you so much it's retarded.
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