ita on the 301 headed to Moore Square then off to wake tech. Lets see if this works! Peace Love and Lexiness.

Good morning. Alright I am going to start this mobile texting thing. If it is successful then thats awesome. This is just a starter post. Listening to An

I'm happy AND slightly embarrassed!

Hey Good Morning!

I have a party to go to today. My mom's co-worker is have a PIG ROASTING party today in Selma for her (get this) ANNIVERSARY! I'm probably a city girl, so I'm completely confused and slightly disgusted for this. Apparently, this is another Southern tradition that I am not ever doing. In my Conversations in Diversity class at school, I mentioned it and some of my classmates love that! One friend, Britney, even had it done for her 18th birthday. Sometimes it boggles my mind that I will one day be the first African-American female to be Senator of North Carolina. I should go up to New York and sit in Hilliary's seat. Eh, no thank you. Not b/c of her, she was my first pick for the election before Obama showed his stuff.

Anyway, speaking of slightly.

I subscribed to a Google news, blog, and group alert for Anita Baker. So the last post on here is about breaking up with my friends. GUESS WHAT THE HELL I SEE??!!?

Miss Lexiness posts this blog "So hard to do" and the name Anita Baker is highlighted. I was happy and embarrassed at the same time. People are going to see my incredibly depressing blog post, but at least they will see my blog at all. I don't know whether if I should be happy or pissed. So, I'm just not going to be anything right now. I'm going to cook some eggs and get ready for this party.

:) talk to you all later.

oh yeah, I managed to get a twitter site now, b/c my mom got one before me and that's blasphemy.

http://twitter.com/TheLexiness

Come on and follow me, b/c I'm a dork and no one is following the Lexiness.....THAT'S NOT COOL!

lol.

So Hard To Do

Whoever said that breaking up is hard to do......was definitely right.

The last blog I have on here is directed to some friends of mine. It's a lot of drama circulating around the Anita Baker site that I created. I went off. My anger got out of control. My initial thing was to just rant and rave on here so I could feel better, then let it simmer. My friends ended up seeing the post. They didn't like it. I, in turn, was banned from the site. The reality of all this made me feel so bad. I proposed to them all that they not re-enter me back into the site, and that they forget about me as well. I told them that I don't know how I could ever talk to them again. Nothing would ever be the same and it's all my fault. Lauren and Tracie hadn't replied yet, the only one that did was my mom, Leigh. She started to talk to me and we didn't talk about what happened. We finally talked about it today, and I requested that she forget about me, possibly forever. She agreed and I said goodbye. I feel like a piece of my soul has been ripped out of my body. She was my life-line and I took her and my friends for granted. I always forget about the sake of others and I am so selfish to the ones that I love. I really truly do love them. If I didn't, I wouldn't be crying hysterically like I am right now. I just don't know why I have to do this. I loved them so much, the last thing I wanted to do was to hurt them. I can't imagine how they feel right now. I have no idea. I am such a fool. They cared about me so much, and I just threw them away like it was nothing. I know that no one wants to be around me right now. There aren't words to explain how I am. All I know is that I am pathetic. I can't even keep friends. Friends that love me no matter what I did. My heart is breaking into two and my soul is withering away as I type this. I always said that I was numb and bitter for many different reasons. But I know that soon I will actually be numb and bitter. I always let my issues take control of my life. I just want to be normal. That's my ultimate wish, to be normal. To have friends and for them to like me without trying, and for me to keep them. I feel like someone stabbed me in the gut and I realize that I'm the one that did the stabbing. It's my own fault and there is nothing I can do to fix it. Hopefully, their online experience can be so much better now that I am gone. I know that other than me, they didn't have any drama to deal with. It was only me. It's all my doing. If only I could go back in time and stop myself from doing it in the first place./Then, I wouldn't be feeling like I am slowly dying inside.



I can't stop crying the tears of a pathetic teenage girl on a path of self destruction.

I just can't stop crying.

My Baby Has Been Changed

As you may or may not know, I created the Anita Baker Lovers Unite! fan site on April 21st, 2008. I am very proud of the site. Especially since I created it, it has a special meaning for me. I consider it to be my child.



In school, I am graduating this year and I am not doing so well for my last few classes of High School. My mother wants to blame my obession for Anita Baker on my failing of classes. Not True. Anita would be very mad at me if I failed classed b/c I was stuck on the site. She doesn't roll like that. Proving my mother's theory wrong, but it doesn't stop her from complaining every waking second of my young tragic life. So earlier this month, I made the decision to give the site up and regain my admin status when I am done with graduation. So I decided to give it to Leigh. She assured me that my baby was in safe hands, and duh, she's my mom (in the spirit) so why wouldn't I believe her? She should of warned me that they were going to make drastic changes to the site the day after I gave it up.



I feel so raped.



I feel like a dictator just died or got exiled and they changed everything to get rid of any trace of him being there. Lauren could have easily made those changes that she wanted while I was STILL THERE! It makes it so much worse that I left and THEN she made the changes. Like when your parents leave and you are so fucking happy and you get to do anything you want until they come back.



Do you understand how wrong this is?



And! They act like I'm taking this too seriously or something. Like they can't even realize what I feel like. I wish it happened to them, then they would see, and would stop acting so non-chanlantly about it. That shit pisses me off.

One more thing.

What is today? Well, let me tell you........today is April 22nd, 2009. That means that the site's anniversary was yesterday. Did the admin celebrate it? OF COURSE NOT! This is probably the straw the broke the camel's back for me. You are not going to celebrate it, not even SAY SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!?!?!?! You have time to talk about EVERYTHING ELSE but when the anniversary comes around, something, by the way that I was doing when I quit that no one paid attention to, you don't do shit. I sent them a email asking why did they forget and I was trying to be as nice as possible. I know Leigh ain't gonna like it, but do I give a flying fuck?

NO

For my sanity on my last year of high school, I have forced myself to withdraw myself almost completely from them. I can't delete myself off the site then it'll be a lot of unwanted drama on my reasons for leaving. See, they want me to stay. It's like this:

[[Oh, Lexi, it's great that you created the site and all, but since you have to be a drama queen and quit the site, we are going to take this oppertunity and change everything so everyone else can like it, b/c no one likes you or the way you did the site. You know that, so why are you so upset? Shut up and go get some help you crazy bitch. We love you!]]

That's all I'm hearing from them. Maybe not that harshly, but along the same lines.

You understand.


I'm done now :)
Thanks for listening and I love you so much it's retarded.

Annikki Amonke

Hey guys!! Guesss whatt?!?!

My Sierra Leonean name is Annikki Amonke

Isn't that awesome?!

okay, so that would mean that my name means

"the girl with grace and favour that you have to caress in love"

Wow, sound just like me!

Being Friends

This is the story of a girl and her best friend.

Sheena and Gina met weirdly, but they soon became inseparable. They did everything together, and told each other everything, and helped each other through thick and thin. They both loved love and yearned for it. Gina eventually got a boyfriend, and they were all friends. One night, Gina's boyfriend had buzzed Sheena's computer on the IM to talk to her. Sheena accepted and talked to Gina's boyfriend for a while. Sheena is known as a flirter and she unintentionally flirted with Gina's boyfriend. After a while, they stopped talking and went to bed. Sheena's phone rang at 7:30 the next morning and on the other line was a hysterical Gina, accusing Sheena for having cyber sex with Gina's boyfriend and such. Sheena vehemently objected the accusations, but Gina didn't listen. Gina cussed her out and then broke off the friendship. She left Sheena mad, sad, and very confused. Sheena went on the computer and asked Gina's boyfriend what was up and Gina's boyfriend just replied that she needed to stop hitting on him b/c he was taken. Sheena didn't know what to do or say, but all she knew was that Gina's boyfriend was trying to break them up, and if Gina didn't come to her senses, he would be successful. Sheena tried calling her back, but no answer. She went over to Gina's house, but Gina ignored the knocks at the door and the rocks at the window. Sheena then gave up. She went back to her house and tried to forget about her best friend. 4 years down the road, Sheena is with an amazing guy and she's happy, but occasionally she thinks about Gina. Gina turned 21, eloped, and moved to a nearby town. A few weeks into their marriage, they were happy, that is until her now husband, hit her. A slap turned into a punch. A punch turned into bruises on her body, and bruises turned into knife cuts and scars. Gina was suicidal and she had no where else to turn. When she read the paper one morning, and she spilled her coffee from her fractured wrist. There was Sheena and her new husband. Sheena looked great and she looked so happy. Gina cursed herself for being so blinded by love, or what she thought was love. Gina started a extensive search for Sheena behind her husband's back, and after 2 months, found Sheena's address and number. First Gina called her house, and got their answering machine a few times. One night, Sheena picked up, heard Gina's voice, and hung up. Sheena couldn't even see her, let alone talk to her. She went to bed and threw Gina out of her mind. Gina stopped trying to call after a few more times. The beatings got worse and she ended up in the hospital. She lied to the doctors and the nurses saying that she fell in the rocky ditch while she was checking her mail. Lying in the hospital bed, Gina's thoughts turned black as she saw a scalpel on her nightstand. She strained to reach over to grab it, but she did. As Gina squeezed her arm to find the vein, she cried and she wished that she could take it all back. "Don't do that, Gina." Gina looked up and there was Sheena, in long, white, doctor robe and black dress pants. Sheena walked over to Gina's bedside and removed the scalpel from her hand, and held her in her arms. "Sheena, I am so sorry for what happened" "It's okay, I know. I knew from the beginning, but I was so angry with you for brushing me off for him. I even went to Medical School to keep an eye on you." "You did that just for me?" "Well, in your absence, I took a liking to blood and guts." They laughed. Just like old times. After going through the criminal process, divorce, and rehabilitation, Sheena and Gina were best friends again. Gina became a best-selling author, and Sheena also pursued her other love of the law. They both bought a "girls" house in Cape Cod, overlooking the sea. They go there for 3 weeks out of the year, just them two, and chill and enjoy each other's company. "Sheena, this is for our never-ending friendship, through whatever and whenever it gets dark." "Gina, this is for the light that we both have in each other's lives, when it gets dark."



-clink-.

Six Inches of Snow and 17 years of Frostbite

Hey hey hey....

So today is none other than JANUARY 20TH!!!!!!

Inauguration (oh em geee, that's the first time I spelled that right on the first try!) day!!!

And another Oh em gee for you.....It's a freaking snowstorm here!! six blankets of snow each.....oh boy, the kids are going to want to outside.

Ha! Why am I always right?

So all this morning, I've been wanting to just lay in bed and watch the inauguration. But of course, no. I have to this and that and that and this. Including taking the kids outside to play in the snow.

We actually managed to see the neighbors kids out here too. Mom doesn't like them b/c of the mom and dad. Mom is a little annoying and the dad is pedophile. It's insane, yes I know. But you know, No one can judge correctly but God.

Yes, Pat Robertson and the rest of you Evang-fuck-icals out there (with the exception of Joyce, Creflo, and Paula), only God can judge others. So the next time that you say that Homosexuals need their own Holocaust, how about we get rid of you and the rest of the Tight ass republicans with Gay fetishes, and the world can be a better place. Huh?

Anyway, after being buried under 17 years of snow and frostbite like a PMS-ing BITCH! I came back in the house to watch the swearing in.

Holy mother of me, it was such a touching moment for me. I don't care if he's mixed, black, yellow, or pink....he's not a republican and that's what Lexi likes.....

In fact, REPUBLICANS ARE DEAD! yay, it's about time. Happy that you self-assured asscrats are in the gutter now.

Wow, this post is painfully political......once again, that's the way Lexi likes it!

A Girl In The Hallway

Listen to this story





A Girl and her best friend were walking in the hallway one day at school. The girl was pretty, but very self conscious about herself, but she was in the process of building herself up back up. To help with that, she wore a pretty wide bonner hat everyday and it became her signature. A group of girls walked by and said mean things about her and her hat. Her friend fired back but she remained quiet. They continued walking down the hallway in silence, when she took off her hat. Her friend told her that to put it back on, but she refused. She sat down in her classroom and thought, when she remembered what another girl had said: "I am prettyful no matter what you think." She then stood up, wiped her tears, brushed herself off and walked out the classroom to her next class. She walked with a newfound strut and people thought to themselves, "That girl is Prettyful, alright."


YAY! I hope you guys like it!!!

The Challenge To Stay Prettyful

All righty, the challenge to stay prettyful.

As a teenage, more than likely the most insecure person you will ever meet at 17 years old, I know that the challenge to stay Prettyful is quite hard. Oh, that is very understandable. For once, I blame the stupid-ass media. It's really messed up that you would actually ruin a young girl's perception on herself JUST because you want them to feel bad enough to buy your product of whatever. I'm tired of having to be a size 2 to be pretty. To be hot, my ass cannot be bigger than my hand or it has to be bigger than a 42 inch computer screen. I mean, can I be medium and still be pretty?! I have to be one extreme or the other. Anyway, that was my little rant. There is a huge challenge to staying prettyful. You have people that will make fun of you just because they want to feel better about themselves. Sadly, it's true, and I know. I have had a few times where I have made fun of someone, and I felt a good power come over me. I wish I could have slapped myself. It was so hypocritic of me to do that. That's why I stopped. I'm not going to lie though, it felt really nice. Ugh, how disgusting do I sound? It's hard. That's why you must think of yourself in the highest sense at ALL times. Even when you just want to beat yourself b/c you THINK that you are ugly and stuff like that. Always know that you are a gem. Just like someone special told me once, always remember that you are a gem and not a hard rock. I'm not perfect, nor will I ever be. I have something that some girls that shop in the store "3,5,7" don't have: SUBSTANCE. After all, I wouldn't be Miss Lexiness without my substance and my right and awesome mind.

Smile on that, and think and take what I said to heart.

About Being Prettyful

So, about being prettyful. I guess you would have to start with the definition of "Prettyful".

Let me help:

Prettyful (adj.) - The art of having your own self-confidence. This confidence may run out once in a while, but it is always there. This term is restricted to woman and particualry women of the ages of 10-27. I always see that girl, and she is very prettyful. see BEAUTIFUL and synomyns of such.

Well, that's being prettyful in a nutshell. Having the confidence to be yourself, and sometimes you might care what hater says about you, but remember, they are haters. Do I have to define "HATER" for you now? I hope not. :) Anyway, now on to the challenge of staying prettyful.

Freaking Prettyful

"Prettyful"


Looking in the mirror, looking at my physique
Whether I be tall and thick or short and sweet
I'm not where I wanna be
But for now, I'm prettyful, no matter what you think

Seeing the girls in the hall everyday
Seeing them watch their weight
See them look, frown, sneer, and say what they wanna say
But get it right, I am prettyful, anyway

You cannot hurt me with your words
It's only strengthening me more and more
I have no time for haters and their petty drama
Cause I am prettyful, and one strong mama

I am here to thrive and survive
On a scale of 1-5, my awesomeness hits a 5
Cause I am prettyful, and you don't need to guess
(whatchu say my name is??) Miss Lexiness.......


September 17th, 2008
by Alexandria Mone't Coburn


Oh, btw, I will be posting the video of this soon!!!

Being There

This is a conversation I had with one of my close friends. Because I know she doesn't want her business plasted everywhere....she has no name, everyone she mentions has no name. But why I am posting is because this is the perfect example of the struggles that teenagers go through day in and day out, and how just being there can make such a difference.

I hope you grab something from this.

(blank)

lexi..

10:29amAlexandria

heyy

10:29am ________

i'd just like you to know that you truly inspired me && basically saved my life last night

10:29amAlexandria

REALLY!?!?

10:29am___________

i was seriously thinking of suicide...then i re-read your text message && stopped myself

10:29amAlexandria

_______ WHAT THE HELL?!

10:30am__________

i know

i thought about it this morning to

10:30am________

what's going on??

10:30am_______________

it was so bad...i even called __________ && apologized for everything...

10:30amAlexandria

oh my gosh......

10:31am___________

yes...i officially hit rock bottom

10:31amAlexandria

well...how are you feelin now?

10:31am__________

about a half a step above where i was 30min ago when i called ________ balling my eyes out...

10:32amAlexandria

thats at least better than rock bottom....

10:32am___________

yeaaa...not much..but its better

10:32amAlexandria

I don't understand how you can hit rock bottom....I mean, not you

10:33am________

anybody can lexi...i'm only human

10:33amAlexandria

oh I know....

10:34am___________

&& the sad part about it is...its over a dude

10:34amAlexandria

someone just told me that considering what I got through that I hold it together pretty well, and that inspired me

ohhhhhh nita booo, we always are going to make that mistake

My favorite author once said that "we define our own happiness, and men enhance it."

10:36am___________

thats def a good one!

10:36amAlexandria

yes it is

that's when I decided that I was going to give up chasing after boys trying to make me happy

and concentrate on ME and MINE

no guy is going to be the defining force in my happiness

10:38am_______________

preach lexxxiiii!!! lol

its the truth tho. && everything you're sayin is stuff i needed to hear

10:38amAlexandria

lol you go on girl

10:39amAlexandria

I'm glad I'm helping you girl cause god knows you've helped me, just being you and encouraging me

10:39am_____________

awwwww

10:40amAlexandria

lol it's the truth!

10:40am_____________

its amazing how you help ppl && you dont even know that you're capable of doing it...

10:40amAlexandria

Yeah, it surely is amazing

10:41amAlexandria

I know that we all love boys and we want them but we gotta want ourselves

10:41am_______________

girl i'm about to hop of here && wash b/c i havent done that...or slept...or anything..in a WHILE lol...its a damn shame. i'll prolly text you during the day to maintain my sanity

10:42amAlexandria

I tell ya, when that ball dropped yesterday, I cried and washed away all the pain from the year b4

oh okay girl!!!

10:42am_________

bye lovveee

10:42amAlexandria

pamper yourself and listen to music

byeeeee

♥

10:43am__________ is offline.

Becoming Grown

Hey guys. I know you haven't seen me in a while but I've been busy lately with school, getting these grades in and what have you.

SO IT'S 2009!!!!!


When the clock struck 12, I did something I never did before in the tradition. I cried. I thought I was crying for being alone on that night, or because the challenge my best friend and I will have to go through in this next year, or because I wasn't out with SOMEONE partying like the rest of the friends that matter that I know, or even because I was miserable. But then when I was done crying I realized the REAL reason I was crying. I was washing away all the pain and all the trauma I went through this last year. Believe me, I went through about as much a weaker 17-year old girl would go insane under. I am actually very fortunate for my friends that give me much of strength, and ironically I'm thanking my mother for berating me to the point that I really don't give a shit about what anyone little cunt and/or prick says to me at Athens.....nothing can beat how my mother can shoot off. This year I will be 18. Now, 18 doesn't mean that you are grown. It just means that you have the legal right to leave your parents house. Being grown is when you finally accept responsibility for things. To be honest, I am not there yet. But, fear not, I am heading in that direction. For some odd reason, I feel that I have renewed strength, like something went away and now I feel lighter. Eh, I'll figure it out later.

But for now, I'll enjoy the last 5 months of my teenage life, and welcome May 26th, 2009, when I cross the threshold. I'm certain that one part of me will change for the better by then! :)

I'll just have to keep on praying.

Gooood Morning Lexi!

Good Morning. I'm gonna be late for school but not too late....I'll get in at about 7:45. But as I have some time now, I'm thinking about the future.

What do I really wanna do with my life?

Well, really, I can't do anything with my life until I get myself together......

I think that I am finally going to get myself together. I think that I am worth saving, worth living, worth being.

The process shall start NOW!!!



YAY!

Should It Matter?

In love, there are many trials and tribulations. There are people that will be happy for you and your love, and there are others that will condemn you. When a stranger condemns you for your soul mate, you can just pass it by and say....whatever.

But.

When does it become too much?


Answer these questions:

1.) Are you hateful?

2.) What is your religion?

3.) Are you fearful of something that is different?

4.) Do you believe in love?

5.) Are you in love?

6.) Have you ever been in love?

7.) Do you think that Homosexuality is a disease?

8.) Is Homosexuality the same as murder?

9.) Would you demonstrate against Homosexuality at the funeral of a murdered Homosexual?

10.) Have you disliked a person just because of their sexuality?

and finally,

11.) Has the thought of "doing away" with all homosexuals ever crossed your mind?



Okay, answer me this:

From the 1870's to the late 1960's, African-Americans in America and particulary in the south, have been fighting for fair treatment and civil rights, EQUAL rights. There were people that killed blacks for the simple reason of being black. Almost 100 years.....they fought and gained their rights. Except for the "gaining their rights part" does this sound a little familiar?


Now, let me answer a few things:

Homosexuality is not a disease.
Love is love.
You do not "choose" to be gay or lebsian. It's who you are.
The way some people treat Gays and Lesbians are almost THE SAME as how some people treated African-Americans in the early 1900's, and yet, most black people are against it. Incredibly Ironic.
Christians, even though Homosexuality is a sin in the bible, you will STILL go to hell for murdering one.


Treat others the way you want to be treated? Some of you guys need to go back to elementary school for common manners. Religion says otherwise? Ah, I'm not going to get through to everyone like I want to, but for anyone this IS listening, I'm going to say one more thing:


Imagine you. You try to live your life. But, you are constantly turned down from jobs, housing, proper food service. People stay away from you. People look at you differently. People sneer, spit, curse, demean, and everything unimaginable to you. Then they kill you for not being like them. They beat your body so horrifically, cut you, shoot you, then leave your body on the side of the street, or in the river, or in a disgusting place. You can't even have a peaceful burial, they demonstrate and oppose buring you like A HUMAN, b/c they think that you are not human. You eventually get buried, but they desecrate your headstone, and sometimes, they are never caught.

Think about that before you think about gays and lesbians again.


OH! and you know what? This is all coming from a straight person......so that's says a lot for people that only think that homosexuals are the only people that agree with equal treatment.




[[.....cough, cough.......I DO TOO!!]]

A Girl......

Hey Guys.....

Hey! Do you wanna hear something incredibly funny??

Something made me get in tune with my.....other....sexual....side.

Okay, here is the truth. I love men. Well, really the male anatomy if you wanna get real about it. I actually hate their ego-tisical-ness. But that's besides the point. I love men and I convinced myself that I would marry one and I'd live happily ever, always getting pounded in my yoni with a huge lingam.....but I did not anticipate meeting this girl. It really started when I read Zane's Purple Panties and I was panting at the end of the book. I started to rather...."test" myself out to see if I really did like girls. A few kisses, boob and butt grabs later, I found that I kinda liked it. The male anatomy was too desiring for me, I guess. Then comes the debate over whether Homosexuality is right or wrong. Okay, here is my honest opinion: In the bible, homosexuality is a sin and it's wrong. Okay, I can come to terms with that. What I don't understand is Christians that go around and HATE and HARASS and DEMEAN, and UNDERMINE homosexuals. It's such hypocrisy, it makes me dislike most christians b/c of the way most people act to them. Anyway, I'm going to continue this conversation in "Should it matter?" coming soon! lol. My family are pure homophobes. And let me say, I don't care if they banish me for being gay, ha! Let them! My family are a bunch of psychos anyway. I'm caring if it's really true if I feel this way or not. Do I like the same sex enough to persue a relationship? Yeahhh....her name was Neisha and she was beautiful. Hell, she still is. The flaw in our relationship is that Neisha was a lebsian and soooooo proud of it, and I am not saying that being a lesbian is something not to be proud of, she was just yelling it from the depths of her lungs, and me, of course, eh, I wasn't there yet. It was fun being with her, but after a while, we both became bored. She ended up cheating on me, and I broke up with her, but the difference is that we are still cordial to each other. Whenever I see her, it's still the same: "nice semi-hearty "Hi" and wave". As I am typing this, I am now realizing that I am straight.......but.........it'll take a very special girl to make me think again.

A Photographic Reminder

Hey Guys.

So, last Monday I didn't go to school. I decided to take a day and try to relax b/c my stress is building up dramatically. That being said, I missed something at school, and that turned out to be my English teacher handed out Hamlet books and started on them. Got back to school on Wednesday (Tuesday was a teacher workday) and Elrod gave me a Hamlet book, but it wasn't like the rest of the books that my classmates had. I opened up the book and started to flip back and forth through the pages, and I saw a picture used as a bookmark. I looked at the picture and lost my breath. It was the one boy I wanted more than anything else in the world: John Fox


I almost screamed, but I cried. I think I cried for that entire semester of chasing him and trying my damn best to make him see that he's missing a good thing. John was everything that I wanted.

Real.Smart.Sexy.Mysterious.Sweet.Tall.Built.Pretty Eyes.AndBigArmsThatICouldLoseMyselfIn.


I remember being in the hall and our eyes intertwining almost every time that we saw each other. Then, all of the sudden, I changed my classes and he sat beside me in math class. He hastily sat down from running across the school to not be late, and breathing hard and sweating but smelling of Axe he said:

"Hey"


I was in love.


I tried so hard to make him see me, but all he saw was a good friend.

A friend.

John was and will probably always remain one of the guys that a piece of me with them. I just didn't know what I was going to do if I didn't get with him. When he hung with other girls, I got insanely jealous and that's unlike me. I got bitten by Cupid's little bitch, and I hated and loved the feeling. Not until about 4 months after he left, I stopped thinking about him constantly. We talk occasionally now, but it'll never the same.


[[HEY! CUPID'S BITCH! YEAHHH, YOU! I hope you had fun biting the fuck out of me!!]]

Irony and My New Phone

Ah, today I'm going to simulate your minds with talk about phones.

I'm a 17 year old female teenager and I talk on the phone, text and type. Surprised? You shouldn't be. Stereotypical? In most cases. To only little white girls that live in big houses? No. I talk on the phone like I'm a addict to communication. I don't know why, I'm just a talkative person. I always have been. I would be the most popular girl in school, if it wasn't for my size and my low self-esteem. Now, you might be saying, "big girls are popular too!" Uhm. That's rarely actually true. In all truth, no overweight girl is happy with their size. They are not! I'm sorry but that's the truth. Any heavy-set girl that actually tells you with a smile that they are happy, is telling a lie. Oh, believe me, I wish they were telling the truth. That would give me immense hope. But, things aren't so. Society today and for quite a while has looked down on heavy children as outcasts in a sense. We can't necessarily run, climb a rope, dance, look forward to gym, sit in class and not expect the snickering and eyes aimlessly pointing at you to not be about you, ride the bus comfortably, and be social. Many people that are thin don't even have the smallest fathom of how school is like for overweight kids. Teachers will try to understand, principals will try to make you feel better, but unless you were at one point and time or still are a big girl, or even a big boy, you can never really understand the immense package that it comes with. People are cruel. They always were, are, and will be. You have to pick out the people that can give a big dump about your size; the people that love you for YOU. Like, for example, my best friend Kimmie, whose blog is also on here, she could careless about my weight. We don't talk about it cause it's not a issue. That's a true friend. People, teenagers in particular, have to realize that there is a big difference between a friend and someone that you know. In high school, a friend will sit beside you all the time during lunch. It's the person that you are always seen with. That person that when we are all walking in the huge conglomerate in the hallway, that you instantly run to catch up with, or break the smooth flow with a hug and a squeal that going to piss off somebody that doesn't have friends, and that person who you will do something crazy with, and remember for quite a while. A person that you know is someone that you sit beside one day, don't or hardly talk to, and if you pass them in the hallway, you more than likely don't say anything too. I have more people that I know than friends. And actually that's okay! My friends are amazing and I love them to death. The people that I know, they are nice to be around, but we don't talk outside of school. Friends and popularity are not measured by how many people are on your myspace and facebook, it's measured on who is going to comfort you when you are feeling sad or when you need a shoulder.

Anyway, so now I have a new cell phone and it's amazing but also so begins the inevitable -do I really want to give you my number??- phase. Gah, it's sickening but it's customary. I'll tell you all about it as soon as it's over with.